Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
