Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Randomize
