i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize