Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
