She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
