Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
