they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
