some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
