true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
27 Hairstyles That Always Come With A Matching Personality
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.