there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!