I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
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It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
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I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?