in pain and im wearing pink underwear
i dont own pink underwear
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce