I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.