R you on birth control?
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I think about you every night.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
about cumming, not toast
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.