Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.