jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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