Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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