So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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