i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
