She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
