A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
