Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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