you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
