was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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