I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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