Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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