he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
