Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
