apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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