lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
