Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
