Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I don't deserve a penis
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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