have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
