first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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