i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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