forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
