Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
soo... how was my night?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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