remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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