Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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