I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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