Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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