i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
