How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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