mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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