seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
