You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
