You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Randomize
