The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
