Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.