i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened