i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
