his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
