you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
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So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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