new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You ruined the universe
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
