How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
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I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
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she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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