tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
