why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
