i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
