All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
