Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
