Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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