i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
