i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
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I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
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I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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