You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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