Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
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I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
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She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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