you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
