thus making me awesome and them whores
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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