i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
