So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
