Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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