I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
