she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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