I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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