You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
