I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
